Codependecy
What is co-dependency? Many clients come in asking that question. We often hear it used and overused. But what does it mean? What creates codependency? What are the symptoms and what can you do about it?
There have been a lot of books and articles written about codependency. I really like Pia Mellody's definition and approach to codependency. It is simple and clear. From Mellody's perspective, Codependency is really a disease of immaturity that affects children who have grown up in a dysfunctional and less than optimal and nurturing family. The more severe the abuse, the more severe the problem of codependence you will probably struggle with.
According to Pia Mellody's work, codependents have a hard time with five core issues:
1. Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self Esteem (feeling less than or better than)
2. Difficulty setting appropriate boundaries (too rigid or too loose)
3. Difficulty owning one's own reality (not knowing who you are or what you are feeling and not being able to express it either because you don't know what it is or you are witholding it)
4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting our own needs and wants and being connected with others. (being too demanding or needy, or needless and wantless; not knowing how to take care of our finances, our dress, our medical care etc. or feeling helpless in the world)
5. Difficulty experiencing and expressing our reality moderately (too reactive, or not reactive at all for example, black or white thinking, raging or keeping everything inside and shutting down) (*this is taken from Facing Codependency by Pia Mellody)
The difficulties around these 5 core issues can and often lead to issues such as: eating disorders, substance abuse, love addictions or love avoidance, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, physical illness,overspending, underearning, or mental illness. We may be filled with rage, resentments, depression, perfectionism, exhaustion and feel like we are not good enough or better than. We may try to control others and get them to do what we want them to do to make us more comfortable. We may try to do anything to avoid our feelings and our reality. We may have trouble simply sharing our truth with others, being vulnerable and respecting someone else's truth and vulnerability that may be different from ours as well. Being codependent is really a problem of being human, but the degree to which we suffer varies vastly.
Recovery from codependence may be challenging but it is possible and often requires support from books,videos, CD's, groups such as CODA or ALANON or ACA, or a trusted mentor or therapist. The first step is facing denial and realizing how your symptoms are impacting you and your loved ones. Bringing the mind/body/spirit back into moderation and balance and healing the wounded child within is one way to heal. I am PIT trained by Pia Mellody and Sarah Bridge. I can bring some of this workshop experience to our work together if you find it helpful.
There have been a lot of books and articles written about codependency. I really like Pia Mellody's definition and approach to codependency. It is simple and clear. From Mellody's perspective, Codependency is really a disease of immaturity that affects children who have grown up in a dysfunctional and less than optimal and nurturing family. The more severe the abuse, the more severe the problem of codependence you will probably struggle with.
According to Pia Mellody's work, codependents have a hard time with five core issues:
1. Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self Esteem (feeling less than or better than)
2. Difficulty setting appropriate boundaries (too rigid or too loose)
3. Difficulty owning one's own reality (not knowing who you are or what you are feeling and not being able to express it either because you don't know what it is or you are witholding it)
4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting our own needs and wants and being connected with others. (being too demanding or needy, or needless and wantless; not knowing how to take care of our finances, our dress, our medical care etc. or feeling helpless in the world)
5. Difficulty experiencing and expressing our reality moderately (too reactive, or not reactive at all for example, black or white thinking, raging or keeping everything inside and shutting down) (*this is taken from Facing Codependency by Pia Mellody)
The difficulties around these 5 core issues can and often lead to issues such as: eating disorders, substance abuse, love addictions or love avoidance, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, physical illness,overspending, underearning, or mental illness. We may be filled with rage, resentments, depression, perfectionism, exhaustion and feel like we are not good enough or better than. We may try to control others and get them to do what we want them to do to make us more comfortable. We may try to do anything to avoid our feelings and our reality. We may have trouble simply sharing our truth with others, being vulnerable and respecting someone else's truth and vulnerability that may be different from ours as well. Being codependent is really a problem of being human, but the degree to which we suffer varies vastly.
Recovery from codependence may be challenging but it is possible and often requires support from books,videos, CD's, groups such as CODA or ALANON or ACA, or a trusted mentor or therapist. The first step is facing denial and realizing how your symptoms are impacting you and your loved ones. Bringing the mind/body/spirit back into moderation and balance and healing the wounded child within is one way to heal. I am PIT trained by Pia Mellody and Sarah Bridge. I can bring some of this workshop experience to our work together if you find it helpful.